Thursday, August 18, 2011

Maybe It's Her Eternally Smug Face.

Image from the Gothamist.
As salty as I usually am, it's very rare when I actually, truly dislike someone. I can usually find a redeeming feature in everyone that I meet. 
EXCEPT FOR GWYNETH PALTROW. I viscerally dislike her, from her stupid macro-biotic lifestyle to her smug sense of superiority because she lives in Britain. I hate that she tries to market herself as an accessible person, when in reality she is so far out of touch with reality she may as well be talking about how to sautee dinosaur eggs on her stupid GOOP website... and no one calls her out on this. Why does everyone, including blogs that claim to hate her, go along with her batshit crazy? Oh, of course I'll just hop on out and pick up that $2,500 bag, because you like it. Then I'll hop on my pegasus and meet you in the super-secret cloud castle that only us truly chic people know about. We can lunch on intergalactic wedge salad and gold-dusted crackers. Gluten-free... natch. MEKMEKMEKMEKMEK!
Listen, New York Magazine, don't pander to that "golly gee whillakers, we hate her because we want to BE her." All you're doing is shoving your nose up her skirt while trying to sound snarky. I don't hate Gwyneth Paltrow because she's "thin and beautiful", or because she's "smart and educated." I hate her because she openly, proudly claims that she is an overprivileged twat that does nothing for humanity, and then has the nerve to say "fuck the haters!" when people dare to critique her public website.

Ugh. She just makes me want to punch her in the kneecaps. With a baseball bat.

Then I read this on The gist is below.
Gwyneth Paltrow Saved a Life on Sept. 11

Lara Lundstrom Clarke believes her life was saved by a chance encounter with the actress on Sept. 11, 2001, according to The Morton Report.
Clarke was rushing to get to work at the Twin Towers in New York City when she jaywalked in order to get to the subway station. As she crossed 7th Avenue, a Mercedes SUV came barreling toward her.

Both Clarke and the car stopped in their tracks, and as the driver waved her across she realized it was Paltrow behind the wheel. The near-collision caused Clarke to miss her train, and by the time she got to work, the first plane had hit the World Trade Center.
When contacted by The Morton Report, Paltrow's publicist Stephen Huvane confirmed the accuracy of the incident and added that Paltrow, 38, was "deeply moved" by the story.
What an asshole. Not only are you called out for being a dick driver that almost hits pedestrians, but you have the nerve to be proud of it?

Fuck you. Fuck you and your bizarre Marie Antoinette "Let them eat cake" redux of a viewpoint on life.
Now if you'll excuse me,  I have to go kick puppies and push over old people and tell people it cured cancer.


Cathy said...

Words cannot express how much I love this blog.

thanks said...

Wow. Your Marie Antoinette distillation is so perfectly apt. You flourish wit and perceptiveness elegantly. Well done Miss; thanks again for the read and keep up the quality work if it's fulfilling.